I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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