This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Sext me about skeletons
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
