Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
