Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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