I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Randomize
