My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
