lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
