I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
