Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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