He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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