Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Randomize
