he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
