When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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