He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
