He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
