please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I AM VODKA MAN
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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