He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
