it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
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