This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
you made out with another girl for some wings
We are all done wearing pants today
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
