I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
