Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
