its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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