i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
