Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
