**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
