She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
