i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
