I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
