So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
