Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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