watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
