She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
