I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
