when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
