My friends, they love my intelligence
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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