i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
