When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
