Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
