I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
that may or may not have been my penis.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
