Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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