wrigley field is MILF paradise
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
