I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
