I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
