He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
