Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize