You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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