Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
