I am in a vortex of obligation.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
