I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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