i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
