before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
