i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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