I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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