He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
