Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
