there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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