I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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