with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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