I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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