Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Randomize
