he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
