he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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