So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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