I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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