Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Randomize
