My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize