She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
