someone threw a dead crab at me
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
