i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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