I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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