my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
